Had to take a breather for a few days. Was just getting overly caught up in 2017 feeling like 2016 all over again. It will be different as I will approach it differently. Perspective makes a lot of things in life easier to handle.  Care about the things I can change and try not to care as much about the ones I can't. Hmm sounds a lot like the serenity prayer. Maybe I need to think about that just a little more.  Some how I know or think I know that this year will be the same if I don't keep this in mind all year long.  Glad to say the germs have gone away for the most part Yeah for that. Got a chance to unpack, and start some serious clean up on my house, it's not really dirty, I just like to keep things neat and tidy.  Last week ended with hopefully finding a new hire, only time will tell for sure, feeling pretty caught up on work, and oh.. getting hit at a stop light this am. And the guy who hit me...says oh I'm late can we hurry this up? Seriously? You hit me because you wanted to go straight on a green arrow... guess you will be a little later... BREATH...JUST BREATH!  Some how I want to continue to take it all with a grain of salt, keep a sense of humor and find the change in me.

In my line of work we deal with out sourced companies to provide payroll processing. I have been dealing with one of the big guys for several years. I left one big fish for the other. Can I tell you this has been drama since the very beginning. From the initial conversion to this latest bit of fun. So the beginning of January we were billed several thousand dollars supposedly for services provided in December.  I looked in to this briefly and quickly determined there was some type of error. I had one of my staff members call and they spoke to some one who assured them they had checked and this was a new fee, and not a duplication of charges.  I knew this could not be accurate, but had to table it for the moment.  As luck would have it I was contacted by a representative of the company...of course his interest was to sell me something new. I told him look...you want an appointment with me, get to the bottom of this issue and I will meet with you.  5 days later, he still had no answers.  So today, after he was still feeding me the I am not making any headway line, I made my own phone calls only to once again get transferred to a manager I have dealt with before. Rule number 1, when dealing with sticky issues...always ask for the bosses boss. And make sure the guy on the phone getting you there understands that you know how the system works.  At the end of the day, issue resolved, credit issued and pointed questions asked yet again: WHY does a major company provide such horrible customer service. Yes, I am currently shopping around yet again.

Well today was the day. Time to start the honest search for a new staff member. I met with the person in charge of the search process today and hope that I gave him all the key data that he needs to understand just what we are looking for. Some one who is motivated to be committed to their job, take ownership of their position and become a long standing memebr of our staff.  Unemployment is low, I am glad for that as a whole. It sure makes hiring difficult.  I am hoping since it is early in the year that there will be quality people searching for a change in the new year. 

​I think I'm headed to the Great Nortwest again some time in early spring. It may still be the end of winter now that I think of it.  I'm hoping there may be an opportunity to sneak in some fun for a day or two. I have to be on the west coast for business, so a quick little side trip never hurt anything.  Always use time wisely.   Time is a very precious asset. At least it is to me. It's something you can share, give and cherish no matter what your economic position is.

​Today was the kick in the teeth reminder...yeah life gets tough, work can be frustrating, empty nesting and being single can be lonely. But there are always circumstances harder than the ones I personally have lived, and I don't have to look very far.  I have a relative who has a story...and in all honesty, I know it may not be the worst story, but to me it's the reminder to not ever  get caught up in feeling sorry for my self. Not only did my Aunt lose her son to a rare childhood illness, not to many years ago she lost her adult daughter to cancer. She out lived both of her children. A pain I can't even pretend to understand. I know from watching from the outside, it has made her sad. This past summer, she lost her husband, not the father of her children, but her true love. Today I got the call, she's in the final stages of her struggle with COPD.  Part of me is relieved that she will no longer struggle with the sorrow and the pain of having out lived her entire immediate family excluding her sister, my mom.  And part of me is glad that she will finally find peace that she has needed for so very long.  Don't get me wrong, there are moments in all our lives, that for us, at that moment...it's just rough...we're just not sure how to find the new open door or window. Then it's time to dig deep, pull ourselves up and say...it's there. It will be fine...just keep plugging along. The right situation will come through.  Everything in life is about timing. Timinig of everything matters. If you make choices at the wrong time you spend days, weeks, months even years getting it sorted back out. At the end of the game it's all about timing. Timing of the throw, timing of the catch, timing of the jump...all about the timing. All things happen as they should in good time.

2016 was one of the most ... hmm  well, I have tried to mentally lock the door, close it tight, pour concrete around it...and bury it deep to make it and it's ill will just be gone! 2016 took my work life and flipped it all kinds of upside down.   It had one last parting shot...got a 2 week notice from some one at work today. Yeah, it happens...life takes folks different directions for different reasons...2016 was the year of continual turnover. We had hoped to but that issue to bed. Guess not quite yet. That's okay. At the end of the day, I'm not really sure the fit was there anyway. The search is on again for a highly qualified hard working individual.  Please can we make this the only major work related issue of 2017?  I need a BREAK! (cough, hack...head rolling) 

The dasterdly little germs have won the battle! Only for the moment, for today. I will win the war! This really should't be such a big deal. Everyone gets sick now and again. Real life, it happens.  Only for me...it is a scary reminder of a series of little broncihal bugs that tried to kill me a few years back. Epiglottitis. A word I never thought I would know...but I know it now, inside out, up close and personal...I was close to not being here anymore. Having a sore throat, although the logical side of my brain knows it's not the same thing, it's a bit unnerving.  I never realized how wonderful it would be to feel water swallowed when I'm coughing my head off!  Note to self, be sure to replace my head properly on my shoulders before driving or walking.  Overcoming fear, no matter how rational, or irrational is empowering. 

Okay, it's not really solitary.  But there are days when it feels like it is. I'm still doing battle with the lovely bronchial bug acquired over the last few days. Considered not going to work at all, but the  be responsible part of my brain said I can't do that. So I went in for 5 hours of the 8+ that I probably needed to spend sorting out all that happened over the last 8 days.  Yes, I'm still checking e-mail and the like even now. But, what I discovered is one thing I have to change...the walls in my office. In July 2016 I was given a brand new office. It's maybe 6 x 10 feet, with no windows and one door to the hallway that needs to stay closed to keep out the hot of summer or the cold of winter.  It's not a bad office, but when I asked about hanging things on the wall, you know like a beautiful beach scene or sunset or something, I was told no. Every single person that walks in to my office says you need to get something on these walls...yeah I do...I really, really do. It's time to have that conversation over again. My work is all about  computer programs, data and e-mail I need some life in there! I can spend 8 hours in that space with zero people coming in, but I need it to be alive. I like my work, I'm really good at what I do...I don't like my office space. It's very institutional. Although the walls are blue...a beautiful sky blue that would go nicely with a beach scene and a flower or two.  Change number one...liven up the office space! 

So now is where it gets tough what changes will it take to make my world a better place to be? New Job? More Family time? Less Family time? Pursue my dreams and goals? It's quite the quandry really. So the first step for me is to figure out what those dreams and goals really are. Some one asked me once what did it mean to me to live my dream.  It actually caught me off guard. What did that mean for me?  Hmm...well I think in my heart of hearts...that means to be able to travel the world, share the world and make the world, not just my world, a better place. Sounds lame in some ways. Everybody wants to think they make a difference in some way. I'd like to make a difference, but I don't really care if any one knows it was me.  I don't want attention for it, I just want where ever I go to be a better place once I've been there. So many people travel the world with selfish intentions. "Entertain me" so to speak. I want to learn about a place before it was changed by tourism or the onslaught of business by outside countries. What is the local culture? How do the local people feel about the change. Is it better because they have more opportunities or do they long for the simple happy life they had before their world was flipped upside down by progress. ​Believe me I use that world very losely. In Early December I had the opportunity to visit the town I grew up in. It had been 15 years since I had been there. It has gone from a small farming community to a gargantuin mecca. It has progressed to be a big city. I remember when I was growing up it was a BIG deal when we got an Arby's across the street from the McDonald's. Only towns that were going someplace got those.  Well, it's gone someplace. But is it better? It's more crowded. It's busier. But Is it better. I sure wouldn't let my kids ride their bikes across town like we did. Or catch the bus to the "big" town up the road to go to the movies. Nope now, I as the parent would be sure I drove you myself, for your safety. Some how I feel that our youth are losing the opportunities we had to learn and grow as teens. Before you drove you learned how to get around. On your bike, on your feet or public transit. Not sure having to do be carted around only when an adult is available is progress. We are losing our small towns, not just in the USA but all over the world. The reality is there are beautiful things to see everywhere. If you look for them.

I was flying cross country yesterday. Returning from a trip to the west coast and it occurred to me that here we go again, a new year was rolling in and it felt just like it did the year before. Oh sure there were some changes from December 31, 2015, but I was starting to feel like Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day, I've done this before, I've lived this before, I've felt this before...and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. If I listen to the people around me, what is my issue? My life is full and complete...is it? Are you sure? Pretty sure you only know what I want you to know, just like the drivel divulged on social media, it's only as real as I tell you it is.  We live in this world of false truths. How is that even possible? How can something false be the truth? Maybe it's just part of the truth. Or part of the lie. Either way it's not the whole truth. Some how I still believe in honest truth. And I honestly believe I will find what will make this world a better place to live in for me. Maybe two days of sporadic doses of night time cold medicine had finally made me foggy enough that I was missing the perfect​ ​life that I was living.  Then I decided maybe it was finally clearing my head. My life wasn't perfect. It wouldn't ever be perfect, but it can and will be better for me.